A questionnaire
I recently visited jhbprincess.co.za and filled in her questionnaire…
Date___Late March 2011________
Name:_______Rich Edge____________
Age:__Old enough to know better_____
Gender:__Straight male____
What colour is the markers panties today?
Polka dots
Do you believe the panties match the bra?
No, I don’t believe they do today
Do you think the marker likes to have her panties off or pulled to the side when being fingered?
It depends, but the marker does like a bit of foreplay with panties pulled aside — until it gets too frustrating. Then they must come off!
Does the marker enjoy the ‘69’ position?
yes
What do you suppose the marker likes most about giving blow jobs?
The marker is very proud of her excellent blow-jobbing technique. There’s nothing quite like the texture of a hard cock in a girl’s mouth, knowing the girl has complete power over the boy.
SECTION TWO. (Fill in the blanks)
Right now, as I’m sitting here
__ on the couch
thinking about
__blowjobs.
I would love to
__watch your Royal lips tease my hard cock until I’m fit to burst, while I finger the Royal cunt gently and ever more insistently as she squirms with delight.
I have wondered how it would feel to
watch you masturbate in the bath with the shower head attachment and then _ stroke myself while I watch
When I _
__visit jhbprincess.co.za__
I really want to
__seduce you_____.
_ Writing these answers
makes just want to
__ masturbate_______ right now.
I think if I could
__get hold of you__
I would
_like to have a long and suggestive IM chat with you._____.
SECTION THREE (Just complete one.)
You walk into my office, I can see by the look on your face this is going to be hard and fast, I walk up to you – i’m on my toes, trying to kiss you – you grab the back of my hair, force me down to my knees…
Your face is in my crotch now. You are kneeling on the carpet. I unzip my trousers. I am not wearing any underwear. My cock, already semi-hard, jumps out at you. You take it in your mouth, leaving lipstick on it.
I play with your beautiful thick hair, tugging it slightly as I feed you my hardness.
Your hands move under your skirt and pull your panties aside. Your mouth clamps around me as you start to finger your own pussy. You’re wetter than you thought you were.
It’s difficult to concentrate on giving me head while your groin fills with warmth as your fingers do their work. Your other hand is pulling down on my balls. I’m so turned on I can hardly breathe.
You’re touching yourself just as you like to be touched. You are dimly aware of the carpet pressure on your knees. But your hand is frigging yourself harder, touching the nub. You’re close. You pull my balls down and suck hard. As I start to come into your mouth, you start coming too.
My wife’s porn
i couldn’t sleep. What i usually do is go downstairs, boot up my mac and go to my super secret flickr account with the dirty pictures.
Then I lie on the downstairs couch with the Mac balanced on the old tum, and turn myself on for an hour or so.
Then, of course, I spend a few moments of frantic activity before closing the Mac, cleaning up and returning to my ladywife blissfully sleeping in the bed upstairs.
Then I often fall asleep.
But that night I’d got home late from some or other meeting.
And when I got downstairs for my insomnia cure, I realised my own computer was upstairs next to the bed.
I wasn’t about to use Ladywife’s Mac for the super secret flickr account with the dirty pictures: oh no, not me. Far too security conscious. What would happen if the flickr account logged her in by mistake thinking she was me — nope. Stay well away.
So I booted up her browser. On a whim, I wondered what was in her browser history.
Well, gentle reader, I’ll tell you.
“pussy lips in stockings”
With the quote marks and all!
Very very specific porn. I followed her clicktrail as best I could and found some very ordinary pictures of (surprise) pussy lips in stockings.
Another search term was “wet pussy” but let’s face it, that’s going to bring up millions of hits. It’s not much of a search term.
I found it touching that she has a semi-secret porn life. I know she watches my porn DVDs if she finds herself at home alone of an evening. She particularly likes the big-breasted porn (she has rather small breasts). Large noombies don’t really do it for me — I’m not really a breast fetishist.
I was thinking of texting her or suggesting to her that she wear stockings one day without knickers — see if that does it for her.
A long-ago list
Haven’t done this yet. I always think of it at this time of year. Maybe one day. I do have the family history up at on a website and I’m semi-good at keeping it updated.
2. Be Focused And Determined And Make Things HappenI do this actually mostly, I suppose.3. Start drawing againOK but when, exactly? It’s obviously not that important to me.4. figure out what to do with my lifeI’m getting there. I’m probably going to focus on three things next year, one of which may turn out to be alrode.co.za. We’ll see how that goes.5. Write a bookI’ve got 17,000 words of memoir down already. A bit more, actually. Wrote it in about ten days in November. I’m working on another one. Well, I’m thinking about working on another one, anyway.6. Start and build a new businessSo far, fuck all.7. Learn chineseI gave that a reasonable go, but gave it up to concentrate on speaking proper German. My german is better, but not “proper” and my Chinese is nowhere.8. Have a beautiful gardenI couldn’t be arsed with gardening. That’s the truth of it.9. Implement GTDI did that, and became frighteningly productive. I now have absolutely no “to do list” system at all.It seems to be working so far.10. Do one thing that terrifies me every yearThat’s not really enough, is it? should be once a day or so!11. Hear someone cover one of my songsI’ve actually done this — it’s great!12. Save up 3 months worth of salary for emergenciesStill on this list since 2005.13. Listen to every album on Rolling Stone’s ’03 list of ’500 Greatest Albums of All Time’ and determine which ones I like mostWhat the fuck was I thinking?14. make a porn movieI still want to do this.15. pierce my nippleI’m not sure about this. I’ve been prevaricating for years about it.16. learn to investMaybe I should get 12 done first.17. Be a great dad to my kidsSo far, so good.18. Make R100,000 in 100 daysHow hard can it be? It should be: R100k in TEN days.19. start a podcastOK. and then what? And say what? About what? (been on the list since 2004)20. identify 100 things that make me happy (besides money)And then I work out that money doesn’t make me happy anyway.21. get a smartcarWith two kids? I’ll keep the Audi, thanks.22. write a screenplayYeah OK23. “have an art exhibitionThis would be cool! See. #324. have a spotless houseWith two kids?25. Stop wasting moneyI don’t have any right now, so I can’t waste it. So I suppose that came true.26. Become financially self-sufficientWhat does this even mean?27. “Rediscover how powerful I amI’m getting there28 “Learn to be happy and optimistic againThat’s doing OK29. find out who’s subscribing to me
I no longer have that e-mail newsletter, rendering the whole thing obsolete30. own a houseSee #26 #16 #1231. Learn CocoaMaybe. I don’t know. Better to learn something I can use to write iPhone apps with instead.32. have a love affairStill haven’t made that one. I’m working on it though. Any ideas?
What I’m learning from Debbie does Paris
So I’ve been watching porn. It’s been interesting, it really has.
We started off (the ladywife and me) with a French movie called le sexe qui parle, translated as “Pussy Talk” in the American.
It’s about (as much as porn films can be ‘about’ anything) a woman whose vagina develops the ability to talk.
If you can speak French, I recommend it. The vagina becomes quite bossy and insatiable. The woman who the vagina belongs to is really at her vagina’s mercy.
And aren’t we all at the mercy of our genitals? I know that I am, and that mostly men are. Perhaps women aren’t quite as ruled by their crotch as we men are, but still. It was an interesting premise.
Then we watched Deep Throat.
We had seen the documentary Inside Deep Throat which was an interesting look at the movie and the controversy it caused.
It’s only an hour long. We were expecting the standard 90 minutes or so of a feature film.
What I’m learning from porn
What’s interesting is how porn is all about men. It’s not a new observation, but I’ve been watching this 70s porn with a more critical eye. The nice thing about the French movie in particular is that it’s not all about the money shot. Sometimes the couple gets going and we watch them for a bit, and then we leave them to finishe up on their own — much like a mainstream movie might.
There’s also more focus on faces and the women generally seem to be really enjoying themselves, which is refreshing. I find it incredibly arousing to watch a woman’s face as she comes, and the French movie gives us that. There’s a plot with actual drama. The couple argue during the movie. Their relationship is shaken by the woman’s increased libido.
Deep Throat is about a woman whose clitoris is in her throat instead of her vagina.
There’s some quite clever editing (which gets overdone) but the acting is bad and the sex is monotonous and pedestrian.
Still, the whole idea behind the porn seems to be to find women who are always ready for men. The men don’t have to do anything except show up and get hard. That’s especially true in Deep Throat.
Women’s porn
I don’t think women are any less “visual” than men, which is a generalisation often cited. I really enjoy good “stroke” fiction. There’s nothing quite like a one-handed read, and I listen to a lot of erotica on audio books in the car.
I think the dynamics need to change so that women are having sex on their terms. For once, I’d like to see a guy go after a girl and be rejected by the girl and have to go off and masturbate or something. I’d like to see women making the men work a bit harder to get the sex that women want.
Somebody said once, and I think it’s as true a generalisation as any: women need to be intimate to have sex; men need to have sex to be intimate.
Where to from here?
I’ve got Debbie Does Dallas, which we’ve started watching,and it shows promise.
I’ve also downloaded a Candida Royalle movie, which I’ll report back on.
I think I’m going to have to (gasp) buy some 70s French porn, and some 21st Century women-made porn.
Mostly I like all the porn watching because it’s getting me laid for a change! 
Porn shops
I went into a porn shop the other day. I like porn shops. I like looking at porn.
I went into a porn shop in Maritzburg once. There was a lovely woman behind the counter who looked me in the eye and greeted me and made me feel not like a dirty old man. Which is sometimes how I do feel in these places.
The best places are the ones you can take a woman into without feeling too horrible. There’s a chain called Lola Montez in Johannesburg — very up market, very chic, very accessible to a woman. Also very expensive. But the places are well lit and the staff are attentive and knowledgeable and unembarrassed.
I went into an Adult World the other day, which is not upmarket, and is not chic. They have an cellar called Ramrods. Black and white cartoony “Tom of Finland” type paintings on the walls.
I said to the counter staff I wanted to take a look, and they let me. It’s against company policy of course, but still. I went down there. There were maybe half a dozen men dressed like I was, in business clothes — chinos, shirt with a collar. Everybody avoided my eye, which I found disconcerting. Part of why I was there was to try to own my own sexuality without shame.
There are showers down there, and cubicles smelling strongly of semen. On the walls are tiny colour TV sets showing grainy gay porn. I didn’t look that closely. The walls are all painted black so it’s really dim down there.
Nobody was having sex that I could see, although I didn’t stick around for very long. I suppose people go there to, as Dan Savage puts it, “rub one out.”
I have fantasies about going down there with a small toiletries bag and saying in a loud voice:
“Hi guys! Who’s for some action? I’m up for a blow job. Do you want to blow me, or do you want to watch?”
And waiting there for somebody to come out and see what the fuss is about.
And then watching them as they go down on me. There would be some other guys stroking themselves as they watched me getting serviced. One of them would approach and I would give him a hand job with some of the lube I had in the toiletries bag.
Then one of them would fuck me slowly while somebody else finished blowing me.
Then we would finish up in the showers, clean up, and get back to our days.
I think about these things, I do.
Anyway, I didn’t do any of those things. I bought a Loslyf or a Stokstyf and flicked through it in the car. It was a very disappointing experience.
Day 13: A picture from last summer. 3-way is off. Sigh.
Last summer? I can’t even remember that far back. It’s been a brutal, long winter.
And this weekend’s three-way is off. The couple are both married, but not to each other, and would rather use their time together, well, together. Without me.
That’s fair enough. What’s the point of having a mind if you can’t change it?
Focus. Last Winter. Sorry. Summer.
Last summer, I went to my wife’s family’s place near the sea. We had a six-month old baby at the time.
I hate holidays.
There’s no nookie on these holidays at the best of times (and this wasn’t the best of times), and I remember now that I forgot to take my camera with me.
So there was no reason to get up early in the morning to go and take photos. So there was no reason to be sober. My wife wasn’t putting out, I didn’t really want to be there, so I suppose I wasn’t.
So I think I got to the coast, got pissed, and didn’t sober up until we left. I exaggerate slightly for effect.
I’m a real charmer, aren’t I?
Day 12: a Black and White pic
For my birthday that year, I paid somebody to take photos of me in the nude.
This is one from that shoot.
It was an interesting experience, and one I’d like to repeat.
If you’re in Joburg and you have a camera and an eye, who knows?
Day 11 – Post one of the oldest pictures you have in your Picture folders Day 11 – Post one of the oldest pictures you have in your Picture folders
This is from a holiday before I got married in Knysna.
I used the 300mm lens, so these canoeists are a long way down.
You can actually see their reflection in the water.
I like the way I composed this shot.
Where in the world?